7．Original: We all know that most factories would be of no use if there were not clean water supply.
　　Revised: It goes without saying that most factories would be of no use if there were not clean water supply.

　　亮点评析

　　同上例一样，know这样的初级词汇应避免在作文中使用，It goes without saying that…是一个固定结构，意思是“……是不言而喻的”，常在作文中用来引经据典或表明一个尽人皆知的道理，类似的表达还有：

　　An old saying goes that…
　　Proverb goes that…
　　It is universally acknowledged that…
　　It is generally accepted that…

　　8．Original: Some other people think that people should read extensively.
　　Revised: Another position says that people should read extensively.

　　亮点评析

　　同know，believe一样，think也应该尽量避免使用，修改后的句子中是用Another position says that…代替think提出另一种观点，也可以用hold a point of view，hold the opinion这样的短语替换。

　　9．Original: The unexpected win of the match give us confidence.
　　Revised: The unexpected win of the match boost our confidence.

　　亮点评析

　　give也属于英语中最初级、最基本的词汇，只表示“给，给予”这个动作，不涉及动作的性质和状态，若表示增添信心，增强士气，比较地道的说法是用boost confidence/morale，如：The change of management has boosted morale throughout the company. 管理模式的改变使整个公司上下士气倍受鼓舞。

　　10．Original: The use of drugs has increased greatly in the last ten years.
　　Revised: The use of drugs has increased significantly in the last ten years.

　　亮点评析

　　greatly是一般用语，表示程度高，“很，非常”，使用相当普遍而没有新意，在写作中应尽量避免使用这些通俗而又陈旧的词汇，应换用一些更加正式，更有说服力的词语，例如significantly表示达到了非常重要的或可观的程度，“重大的，可观的”，能够具体说明药品使用方面，增长幅度巨大。significantly还可以替换成considerably，tremendously等，同样具有不错的表达效果。